Sunday, November 17, 2019

2019

       
      It has been a very long while since I have actually had the inspiration or time to sit down and birth a thought that I felt was worthy enough of sharing or that would be interesting enough to share. And for me that is really suprising considering I have a pretty regular creative flow from source (God).

      Lately our world seems to be shifting in a direction that is trying to dampen the light of what makes us beautiful as individuals and children of the most high. 

      Current bills and legislation in many states even in congress are so disheartening as to what America is and who we are and who we were to become, it brings great anxiety and hightened emotions across the board.

      Most of all for the sake of our children and the future ahead. One empowering confirmation I recieved is that God is here and knows and that heaven is but so far yet right beside us. 

        The power of protection and the needs we have as favored blessed annointed individuals has been set aside for us.

Recenlty I found myself looking back at my lifes road map and it seems like just now things are coming full circle and making sense and I am conpletely fullfilled and inspired as to what that landscape is looking like.

I have met so many loving, genuine faith filled honest gifted folks lately that I feel so small in the soup of freedom fighters.

What seemed years ago crazy to me or as if I was rare is more and more feeling normal. And most importantly I found my equal. Someone who loves jesus and who recognizes me in spirit, and all the wrong wiring from childhood or influences have been wiped away as if god himself reached down plucked away the dead and re aligned my story just as I knew deep in my spirit all this time, essentially compared to remembering the energy or story thats been promised.




Monday, November 4, 2013

2013

And I'm back

Monday, October 4, 2010

This was a older post but appropriate for how im feeling again......

Sometime's it's good to just stand still, stand still in your thought's in your pursuit in everything in life even if it takes 1,2 or 3 time's to do that standing still.......until you get it right......get what right? is that what you ask? get your purpose and sequence of what first and so forth right. Sometime's instead of pushing and searching and digging and kicking down door's to get where you want to be in life...you have to stop and think for a second maybe the reason why the kicking the doors down is getting harder and harder is because I am not actually taking in the lesson of the action or journey used to get through those door's and gaining the wisdom... or maybe I am getting side tracked and not actually keeping myself focused and loosing sight of the prize allowing other things to contaminate my vision?..or maybe the world and my pursuit has caused me to be a bit numb to whats really going on and why I am really here? my purpose because of god.... and sometimes standing still gets you allighned with things to reflect and absorbe the adventure in and than continue....sometime's we forget to remember that everyday is a new day to get it right....and sometime's when you feel all out of sorts or lost your actually closer than you think to where you are going your greates achievement your day to shine and really understand why the road has been difficult or blurry or a struggle sometimes things just happen and than everythinng begins to make sense and you appreciate it all at that very moment and than can see foward to the next phase.....I love life and appreciate it all and although I am not a perfect human.... I am very ambitious and able to reach amazing things so I embrace my walk... I have a vision for myself and I believe in miracles and through the power that has been invested in me God has a plan for me how it will happen thats up to him all I need to do is keep my faith and stay focused and go with my heart because my heart knows what is true and this applys to everything I face in life the "why am I hear" factor... Thank You God

Sunday, September 26, 2010

2010

Has been quite along time since i have posted but i since have become a mother just like i had anticipated or had a knowing or notion about prior. And my daughter was exactly a year old September 13th my life has changed so much and i have so much to talk about i guess stay tuned.... be blessed and always thankful!

Saturday, May 31, 2008

This is What I Am Talking About







Sabdes, world renowned for their luxurious yachts (and super-yachts) is trying to gain market targeting environmentalists. Their newest piece of extravaganza is a 50m (164-inch) superyacht that not only brings the joy of living the life of a king but actually makes you a greener-king. The technology they used managed to make it efficient when it comes to both fuel and emissions.
Designed by Australian Superyacht Stylist Scott Blee it has an advanced slender hull for better sea keeping and minimizing wave "slamming". It was also designed so that it reduces impact over sensitive marine life and shoreline erosion.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Its funny because when i was at this past magic show i was in resourcing and i visited one booth and this women was showing me the glow in the dark features of the new graphix and textures for t-shirts and i know neon is in and glow in the dark is next brings me back to slap on bracelets and pump up sneakers and yes i did own a pair i wish i still had them or could find them they were white blue and orange i think i was like the only 5 or 6 yr old white girl to rock them!! lol i remember coming home from school taking them off and thinking to myself im not from here are these even my parents lol my mom wanted to put fancy dress's on me and i was busy telling my mom i wanted a monkey like michael jackson "bubbles" yea sooooooooo dont act like i never told yea mom!!!! now im in this music and fashion game and i get so excited and sooooooo inspired off simple shit cus with my brain tuh i am so wavy this gurl has swagga to start something that will make history shit i already am making history







Images of the Peter Gronquist's "The Revolution Will Be Fabulous: A Weapons of Mass Designer Show", on display at Gallery 1988 in Los Angeles.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL0I7zkcODk
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3sahn_dark-knight-trailer_shortfilms

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Music is My all



Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Monday, April 28, 2008

Sunday, April 27, 2008

I glow thats for sure




Friday, March 7, 2008


Thursday, March 6, 2008

Somewhere Out There


Thursday, February 7, 2008

Synchronicity

I hear him in my thoughts I see him in my future but some way some how god wont allow the view to be clear just yet its like a great suprise, I sit and I just ponder on why a certain individual was shown to me some time ago and still to this day resonates in my thoughts and my mind he is a warrior yet so passionate, is he everything I pray and asked for and know I have recieved but have yet to see it in reality? his writing is so amazing and resonates with me and many others deeply but when I start having visions or thoughts about certain topics and then think of who this person could be I hit the nail right on the head I know so much about him but is he someone i know currently or will meet? whoah talk about knocking me back a few steps to sit and wonder is this but a figment of my imagination or are we connected in such a way that even he is unaware of or leasts expects I to be intuined or dance with his soul as we do, all though I am unable to fit words to my understanding or emotions alot of the time I am sensitive and very fragile to people telling me what I should or shouldnt do because I believe god gave me my heart and mind for a purpose, so call me stubborn but what is a beautiful ending and new beginning with out a bunch of beautiful mistakes or lessons to get you there? if he is him he will come to me as I have come to him....I am far from lazy and incredibly self motivated I find it entertaining to stretch others and I am incredibly passionate about the ether that is within me and just life itself, sometimes I feel that my other half is so much more then I can imagine because I wonder how I must sound or what people must think of me when approaching a blog like this? sometimes my love is addicting and sometimes i attract people who have no real intention but to try and feed off my joy and that at times can cause me to re evaluate how this world can be so cold yet so warm if you are not of this world in which i am not.... Then glad you are here.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

The Season


Thursday, December 6, 2007

Attitude Of Gratitude

It amazing how when you dont think about what to do next or what you should do, just being is almost a subconscious way of meditating, i am very aware of the synchronisity of the world and one of the truths that has become even more clear to me is that although i seem to be heading down the wrong path at all times i am a strong individual with very old wisdom at a very young age and strong faith that no matter where i go or what the call is or i am driven to do at and given moment i know with the power of gods only begotten son that I am truely blessed and so very thankful, i am far from perfect but to god i am perfect he knows what i do before i do it and with any sins that i am of or pain i may cause my soul the lord hears me and my every cry and thought and feeling deep inside it is only by him will he put me where i want and need to be to make a mark and be of great influence for my soul and my love and my gifts are not of this world but are of god and i thank him...it is said with every pain is a step to purity, and reflecting in your purpose and call...I know god has a great plan for me and although sometimes the prize seems far away its actually taking birth into your life when you least expect it...my passion for music and fashion is amazing it sets my soul on fire the feeling i have and am able to be of its a world much higher, i am still just a child and in a rapidly changing world all i can do is keepo my eyes ahead of anything materializing and learn to obey his word....my motives and thoughts and intentions are pure although sometimes i am forced to make bad decisions the lord has my heart and through all things i may go through they all are for the better good...I love my life here and beyond here because through him all things have been made possible.

Monday, November 19, 2007

You ask me what I want.You ask me what I need.It’s nothing you can buy.My heart’s not ruled by greed.I don’t love a diamond.Diamond’s you see through.I want you to hold me.I want you to be true.Give me the gift of love.Look me in the eyes.Say I’m the one you’re dreamin’ of.That’d be the best surprise.Give me the gift of your sweet loveIn the light of the day,In the dark of night.Like the colors of the sun,The feelings in your heart.It’s all I want from you.And when the sky is darkI’ll have you beside me.Who could ask for more? I’ll just wear a smileWhen you walk in the door.Give me the gift of love.Look me in the eyes.Say I’m the one you’re dreamin’ of.That’d be the best surprise.Give me the gift of your sweet love In the light of the day,In the dark of night.Give me the gift of love.Look me in the eyes.Say I’m the one you’re dreamin’ of.That’d be the best surprise.Give me the gift of your sweet loveIn the light of the day,In the dark of night.Give me the gift of love.Look me in the eyes.Say I’m the one.That’d be the best surprise.Give me the gift of your sweet love In the light of the day,In the dark of night.Always.
There are places I rememberAll my life, though some have changed.Some forever, not for better.And some have gone, and some remain.All these places have their momentsWith lovers and friends I still can’t recall.Some are dead and some are living.In my life I love them all.But of all these friends and lovers,There is no one compares with you.And these memories lose their meaningWhen I think of love as something new.Though I know I’ll never ever lose affectionFor people and things that went before,I know I’ll often stop and think about them.In my life I love you more.Though I know I’ll never ever lose affectionFor people and things that went before,I know I’ll often stop and think of them.But in my life I loved you more.I love you more.I love you more.

The Rose

The Wind Beneath My Wings

This is a song that means alot to me...and makes me cry everytime i hear it

Saturday, October 27, 2007

That Feeling

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Freedom

Trying to hang on to that feeling knowing the difference between dying and living trying to understand that its deep inside that I define where I stand on the time line to open up and shinepeople can see it and feel it and than I attract the static of the degenerate breed that claims they are the nation living day to day knowing that I have this illumination how do I know who is in my focus that they arent trying to steel my gold let the truth be told trying to stay in tuned with my soul I can tell you right before a full moon man does this world get cold, I could lay in bed for days just to try and consume the fire that has been granted to my cup and let my love all together be a river to a flood let it overflow I am open and willing to accept the blessings I may not be the best flesh but my heart is right within I know I win, the message it takes two let it all unfold why am I running a race alone when i already know what it takes, it truely is more than a piece of kake the message is clear

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Energy Exchange

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Than man Wife Show











Shanda and I are both gemini's!!!!!listen to what is said in this episode about gemini's

Sunday, October 7, 2007

JOIN ME IN THIS FIGHT

STOP THE TRAFFIK


please visit

www.love146.com

WHAT IS STOP THE TRAFFIK?
STOP THE TRAFFIK is a campaign working to combat the fastest growing global crime, people trafficking—the buying & selling of people around the world today

Exposing people trafficking
Leading governments to action
Unlocking freedom
STOP THE TRAFFIK is a global coalition of over 800 organisations in more than 50 countries working together in areas of advocacy, education and fundraising.

Education: Creating awareness and understanding of people trafficking.
Advocacy: Inspiring you to become an ADVOCATE for change, through getting involved and making a difference. Engaging with those who have the power to minimise the trafficking of people.
Fundraising: Financing anti-trafficking work around the world working with those vulnerable to and those who have been trafficked.
STOP THE TRAFFIK is a movement of people from different nations and generations. Some of us sign petitions, wear symbols of the campaign, spread the message, and some of us show our support through adapting our lifestyles.

We believe that when people act things change

http://www.stopthetraffik.org

Friday, October 5, 2007

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Tip of the day

Just say no sometimes. Reserve your energy for the things that matter most to you.

Take me as I am

This is exactly what I view about myself and this song say's exactly how I feel about who I am and where I am in life

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Common feat. Erykah Badu - The Light

Def Jam Poetry Erykah Badu

KANYE WEST SNL CHAMPION FREESTYLE LIVE 50 CENT DISS

Yea, I am a poetic and floetic all that good shit but at the end of the day I don't speak to air....... tell me god what is this im living here......... I dont know if they can see the channel clear....... at the end of the day I wonder damn what a bitch..... this is a price to pay........ Than again I remember the day that rewards were greater than the last season of winning a date with boredom.... I spill my soul ......... you say you looking for gold....... guess I shoulda woulda...... kept the G's....... put it toward sharing the best of me.......global....... cant you see I am free.....being here in this fake shit...is like stuck in a reality show cus nobody know's......the cosmetic afterglow's.... what reality hold's...... yet what some have lost..... has beeen told..... I can remind you now and again...... my dreams are what make me, me..... god knows they cant be put on hold.......shit seems so backwards even I catch my self playing roles of shit I never thought..... there I go thinking again.........maybe thats why when I am and asking Why...I should of listened to the best of me....... rather than the flesh of me............I wonder why the shit was clear to me...the art of war...yet I wasnt trapped it was a choice to go foward...the battle is over but it is unfolding in un timingly order....so maybe that thought...and this so called "order" damn...... true colors....... they say...... so money bet your bottom dollar its over....you dont exist to me...I like the quality in everything....I love life and what ever I can do...to show that god is now and there is no other...guess you better stop saying so much that many of you dont really mean cant you see its getting closer take the time to unwind and be positive...remember your joy...like peter man in neverland time doesnt exist...and if you think ya happy thoughts soon you can have all that you ever wanted....... how is it helping the world help another sister or brother let them get on the boat and lead with the truth seeds

Kanye West Def Poetry jam

Def Poetry Jam - Alicia Keys - POW

Ethnomethodology/Ethnography

Ethnomethodology (literally, 'the study of a people's (folk) methods') is a sociological discipline which examines the ways in which people make sense of their world, display this understanding to others, and produce the mutually shared social order in which they live. The term was initially coined by Harold Garfinkel in the 1960s.
Ethnomethodology is distinct from traditional sociology, and does not seek to compete with it, or provide remedies for any of its practices.
Two central differences between traditional sociology and Ethnomethodology are:
(1) While traditional sociology usually offers an analysis of society which takes the facticity of the social order for granted, Ethnomethodology is concerned with the "how" (the methods) by which that social order is produced, and shared.
(2) While traditional sociology usually provides descriptions of social settings which compete with the actual descriptions offered by the individuals who are party to those settings, Ethnomethodology seeks to describe the practices (the methods) these individuals use in their actual descriptions of those settings.
The approach was developed by Harold Garfinkel, based on his artful analysis of traditional sociological theory (primarily: Durkheim, Weber, and Parsons), traditional sociological concerns (the Hobbesian "problem of order"), and the phenomenologies of Aron Gurwitsch, Alfred Schutz, and Edmund Husserl.
Ethnomethodology has had a significant impact on social scientific inquiry.
For instance, Ethnomethodology has always focused on the ways in which words are dependent for their meaning on the context in which they are used [they are 'indexical']. This has led to insights into the question of the objectivity of the social sciences, and the difficulty in establishing a description of human behavior which has an objective status outside the context of any particular descriptive formulation.
Ethnomethodology has had an impact on linguistics and particularly on pragmatics, spawning a whole new discipline of Conversation Analysis.
Ethnomethodological studies of work have played a significant role in the field of human-computer interaction, improving design by providing engineers with descriptions of the practices of users.
Ethnomethodology has also influenced the Sociology of Scientific Knowledge by providing a research approach that describes the social practices ("methods") of its research subjects without the commonly accepted practice of evaluating the validity of those practices from an imposed normative standpoint. This has proved to be useful to researchers studying social order in laboratory settings who wished to understand how scientists actually conducted their experiments without either endorsing or criticizing their activities utilizing traditional scientific criteria.

Varieties of Ethnomethodology
According to George Psathas, five types of ethnomethodological study can be identified. These may be characterised as
1. The organization of practical actions and practical reasoning. Including the earliest studies, such as those in Garfinkel's seminal Studies in Ethnomethodology.
2. The organization of talk-in-interaction. More recently known as conversation analysis, Harvey Sacks established this approach in collaboration with his colleagues Emanuel Schegloff and Gail Jefferson.
3. Talk-in-interaction within institutional or organizational settings. While early studies focused on talk abstracted from the context in which it was produced (usually using tape recordings of telephone conversations) this approach seeks to identify interactional structures that are specific to particular settings.
4. The study of work. 'Work' is used here to refer to any social activity. The analytic interest is in how that work is accomplished within the setting in which it is performed.
5. The haecceity of work. Just what makes an activity what it is? E.g. what makes a test a test, a competition a competition, or a definition a definition?

Some Leading Policies and Methods
Ethnomethodological Indifference
This is the policy of deliberate agnosticism, or indifference, towards the dictates, prejudices, methods and practices of sociological analysis as traditionally conceived (examples: theories of "deviance", analysis of behavior as rule governed, role theory, institutional (de)formations, theories of social stratification, etc.). Dictates and prejudices which serve to pre-structure traditional social scientific investigations independently of the subject matter taken as a topic of study, or the investigatory setting being subjected to scrutiny.
The policy of Ethnomethodological Indifference is specifically not to be conceived as indifference to the problem of social order taken as an individual or group (member's) concern.
First Time Through
This is the practice of describing any social activity, regardless of its routine or mundane appearance, as if it were happening for the very first time. This in an attempt to reveal how the observer of the activity assembles, or, "constitutes", the activity for the purposes of formulating any particular description.
The point of the exercise is to make available and underline the complexities of sociological analysis and description. Particularly the indexical and reflexive properties of the actors', or observer's, own descriptions of what is taking place in any given situation.
Such an activity will also reveal the observer's inescapable reliance on the Documentary Method of Interpretation (aka Hermeneutic Circle) as the defining "methodology" of social understanding for both lay persons and social scientists.
Breaching Experiment
A method for revealing, or exposing, the common work that is performed by members of particular social groups in maintaining a clearly recognizable and shared social order.
An extreme example: driving the wrong way down a busy one-way street can reveal myriads of useful insights into the patterned social practices, and moral order, of the community of automobile drivers... and police.
The point of such an exercise is to demonstrate that gaining insight into the work involved in maintaining any given social order can often, best be revealed by breaching that social order and observing the results of that breach - especially those activities related to the reassembly of that social order, and the normalization of that social setting.
Sacks' Gloss
A question about an aspect of the social order that recommends, as a method of answering it, that the researcher should seek out members of society who, in their daily lives, are responsible for the maintenance of that aspect of the social order. Sacks' original question concerned objects in public places and how it was possible to see that such objects did or did not belong to somebody. He found his answer in the activities of police officers who had to decide whether cars were abandoned.
Recommendation: If you want to understand how a particular social order is maintained, or a particular social activity is accomplished, go to the source: the actual people who do the actual work of maintaining and constructing those social structures.
Durkheim's Aphorism
Durkheim famously recommended that we "treat social facts as things." This is usually taken to mean that we should assume the objectivity of social facts as a principal of study (thus providing the basis of sociology as a science). Garfinkel's alternative reading of Durkheim is that we should treat the objectivity of social facts as an achievement of society's members, and make the achievement process itself the focus of study.
For Ethnomethodology the topic of study is the social practices of real social actors in real social settings, and the methods by which those actors produce and maintain a shared sense of social order.
Ethnography (ἔθνος ethnos = people and γράφειν graphein = writing) is the genre of writing that presents varying degrees of qualitative and quantitative descriptions of human social phenomena, based on fieldwork. Ethnography presents the results of a holistic research method founded on the idea that a system's properties cannot necessarily be accurately understood independently of each other. The genre has both formal and historical connections to travel writing and colonial office reports. Several academic traditions, in particular the constructivist and relativist paradigms, employ ethnographic research as a crucial research method. Many cultural anthropologists consider ethnography the essence of the discipline.
Cultural and social anthropologyCultural anthropology and social anthropology were developed around ethnographic research and their canonical texts are mostly ethnographies: e.g. Argonauts of the Western Pacific (1922) by Bronisław Malinowski, Coming of Age in Samoa (1928) by Margaret Mead, The Nuer (1940) by E. E. Evans-Pritchard, or Naven (1958) by Gregory Bateson. Cultural & social anthropologists today place such a high value on actually doing ethnographic research that ethnology—the comparative synthesis of ethnographic information—is rarely the foundation for a career. Within cultural anthropology, there are several sub-genres of ethnography. Beginning in the late 1950s and early 1960s, anthropologists began writing "confessional" ethnographies that intentionally exposed the nature of ethnographic research. Famous examples include Tristes Tropiques by Claude Lévi-Strauss, The High Valley by Kenneth Read, and The Savage and the Innocent by David Maybury-Lewis, as well as the mildly fictionalized Return to Laughter by Elenore Smith Bowen (Laura Bohannan). Later "reflexive" ethnographies refined the technique to translate cultural differences by representing their effects on the ethnographer. Famous examples include "Deep Play: Notes on a Balinese Cockfight" by Clifford Geertz, Reflections on Fieldwork in Morocco by Paul Rabinow, The Headman and I by Jean-Paul Dumont, and Tuhami by Vincent Crapanzano. In the 1980s, the rhetoric of ethnography was subjected to intense scrutiny within the discipline, under the general influence of literary theory and post-colonial/post-structuralist thought. "Experimental" ethnographies that reveal the ferment of the discipline include Shamanism, Colonialism, and the Wild Man by Michael Taussig, Debating Muslims by Michael F. J. Fischer and Mehdi Abedi, A Space on the Side of the Road by Kathleen Stewart, and Advocacy after Bhopal by Kim Fortun.
Cultural anthropologists, such as Clifford Geertz and Xavier Andrade, study and interpret cultural diversity through ethnography based on field work. It provides an account of a particular culture, society, or community. The fieldwork usually involves spending a year or more in another society, living with the local people and learning about their ways of life. Ethnographers are participant observers. They take part in events they study because it helps with understanding local behavior and thought.
Other related fieldsPsychology, economics, sociology and cultural studies also produce ethnography. Urban sociology and the Chicago School in particular are associated with ethnographic research, although some of the most well-known examples (including Street Corner Society by William Foote Whyte and Black Metropolis by St. Clair Drake and Horace R. Caton) were influenced by an anthropologist, Lloyd Warner, who happened to be in the sociology department at Chicago, and by sociologist Robert Park whose earlier career had included journalism. Symbolic interactionism developed from the same tradition and yielded several excellent sociological ethnographies, including Shared Fantasy by Gary Alan Fine, which documents the early history of fantasy role-playing games. But even though many sub-fields and theoretical perspectives within sociology use ethnographic methods, ethnography is not the sine qua non of the discipline, as it is in cultural anthropology.
Education, Ethnomusicology, Performance Studies, Folklore, and Linguistics are others fields which have made extensive use of ethnography. The American anthropologist George Spindler (Stanford University) was a pioneer in applying ethnographic methodology to the classroom. James Spradley is another well-known ethnographer, especially for his book, The Ethnographic Interview, published in 1979.
Ethnographic methods have been used to study business settings. Groups of workers, managers and so on are different social categories participating in common social systems. Each group shows different characteristic attitudes, behavior patterns and values.
Increasingly, universities (such as the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign) are using ethnographic methods as a technique to encourage undergraduate research in the humanities. For example, the Ethnography of the University (EOTU) program sponsors undergraduate research on UIUC and archives it in web-accessible form for the UIUC community. EOTU also functions as a learning group for students, staff, and faculty interested in what it means to conduct research on universities as institutions.
Anthropologists like Daniel Miller and Mary Douglas have used ethnographic data to answer academic questions about consumers and consumption. Businesses, too, have found ethnographers helpful for understanding how people use products and services, as indicated in the increasing use of ethnographic methods to understand consumers and consumption, or for new product development (sometimes called 'design ethnography'). The recent Ethnographic Praxis in Industry (EPIC) conference is evidence of this. Ethnographers' systematic and holistic approach to real-life experience is valued by product developers, who use the method to understand unstated desires or cultural practices that surround products. Where focus groups fail to inform marketers about what people really do, ethnography links what people say to what they actually do—avoiding the pitfalls that come from relying only on self-reported, focus-group data.
TechniquesDirect, first-hand observation of daily behavior. This can include participant observation. Conversation with different levels of formality. This can involve small talk to long interviews. The genealogical method. This is a set of procedures by which ethnographers discover and record connections of kinship, descent and marriage using diagrams and symbols. Detailed work with key consultants about particular areas of community life. In-depth interviewing. Discovery of local beliefs and perceptions. Problem-oriented research. Longitudinal research. This is continuous long-term study of an area or site. Team research. Case studies Not all of these techniques are used by ethnographers, but interviews and participant observation are the most widely used.

The Ethnography of communication (EOC) is the a method of discourse analysis in linguistics, which draws on the anthropological field of ethnography. Unlike ethnography proper, though, it takes both language and culture to be constitutive as well as constructive. According to Deborah Cameron (2001), EOC can be thought of as the application of ethnographic methods to the communication patterns of a group. Littlejohn & Foss (2005) recall that Dell Hymes suggests that “cultures communicate in different ways, but all forms of communication require a shared code, communicators who know and use the code, a channel, a setting, a message form, a topic, and an event created by transmission of the message (p. 312).”
So, EOC can be used as a means by which to study the interactions among members of various cultures: being able to discern which communication acts and/or codes are important to different groups, what types of meanings groups apply to different communication events, and how group members learn these codes provides insight into particular communities. This additional insight may be used to enhance communication with group members, make sense of group members’ decisions, and distinguish groups from one another, among other things.
HistoryOriginally coined "Ethnography of speaking" in Dell Hymes eponymous 1962 paper, it was redefined in his 1964 paper, Introduction: Toward Ethnographies of Communication to accommodate for the non-vocal and non-verbal characteristics of communication.
Notable studiesSeveral research studies have used ethnography of communication as a methodological tool when conducting empirical research. A couple examples of this work include: Philipsen’s (1975) study which examined the ways in which blue-collar men living near Chicago communicated or did not communicate based on communication context; and Katriel’s (1990) study of Israeli communication acts involving griping and joking about national and public problems. These studies not only identify communication acts, codes, rules, functions, and norms, but they also offer different ways in which the method can be applied.

Royal





Noun/royalty

Plural/royalties
Royalty~a monarchs or other people of royal rank, plus their families, treated as a group the rank, status, power or authority of a monarch a royal right or prerogative, such as the exploitation of a natural resource; the granting of such a right; payment received for such a right (by extension) payment made to a writer, composer, inventor etc for the sale or use of intellectual property, invention etc. (poker, slang) A king and a queen as a starting hand in Texas hold 'em
Psalm 23
1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters.
3He restoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

How to Open Yourself to Your Life's Purpose




The one big question most of us ask ourselves is "What should I do with my life?" For most people, it's very difficult to answer. Use these simple suggestions from people who have successfully answered this question and are now living the life of their dreams. Be inspired to pursue your dreams and discover the impact you are meant to have on the world!




1.Listen to your inner voice. It takes practice to hear your true desires. Your passion will often come as a whisper or serendipitous event that reminds you of what's important and what makes you happy.


2.Recognize crisis. Does your job feel like a grind? Are you spending your free time on something you love? Take an opportunity to appraise your happiness. One of the keys to living a purposeful life is seeing that you feel unfulfilled.


3.Dwell in possibilities. Your passions could lead you in a lot of different directions to find fulfillment. Explore your life and unearth all of the things that bring you joy.


4.Tune out the voice of the world. Make the strongest voice in your life your own. Finding your purpose could mean going against the advice of close friends and family. Take a leap of faith and trust in your dreams.


5.Decide what kind of person you want to be. Rather than concentrating on what you want to do, think in terms of what kind of person you want to be. Let that guide your choices.


6.Bring your heart to your work. It takes passion and courage to find a profession that you love. Spending the time to discover that job is time well spent—it could make all the difference in your life!


7.Trust transformation. Hard times are a natural part of life. Don't be afraid to change because of your experiences. Instead, let them shape and steer your course.


8.Have no regrets. According to the experts, it's easy to regret the time you've spent being unhappy or unfulfilled. Realize that during that time, you developed the skills you need to succeed!


9.Take the first step. Destiny can't help you until you are willing to step out of your comfort zone. Get prepared to make changes in your life…and start making them!




10.Be patient. Finding your life purpose won't happen overnight. In every life, there's a fast road and a slow road. Most of us take the slow road! Keep your commitment and take small steps to make it happen.




1. How have my parents' expectations affected my choices?


2. What are my assumptions about money?


3. With whom should I surround myself?


4. How much power does my environment have over me?


5. How have I been trapped by success?


6. Am I willing to spend years before letting my dream manifest itself?


7. What assumptions did I make when I was young about what I'm good at or not good at?


8. Am I afraid of looking inward?


9. Am I willing to spend years looking for an answer?


10. What am I naturally curious about?

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

All Of These I Find So Up My Alley!

Straight from the mouths of the guys themselves — it turns out what they crave is simpler, sweeter, and more surprising than you'd ever imagine. Here, our guy spills their not-so-dirty secrets.

"A full shelf just for us in the medicine cabinet."

Not a two-inch-wide slot -- a whole, wall-to-wall shelf. Rescuing our razor from an avalanche of lipstick, Secret sticks, and those triangle sponge thingies is not the most fun way to start the morning. And by the way, what the hell are those triangle things for? Are you playing blocks in there?
"You waking us up in the middle of the night...completely naked." (HaHA I am guolty for this)
There are two things every dude in a long-term relationship desires: excitement and nudity. And with this little move, you're killing two naughty birds with one sexy stone. Wake us up at 3 a.m. and tell us that you just had the hottest dream and can't fall back to sleep. Then watch the fog of sleep -- along with other things -- suddenly lift. "Naked is the best thing ever in bed, along with maybe pizza," says Bob Rybarczyk, 37, who lives in St. Louis. "The spontaneity of being woken up like that is what makes it exciting, assuming I could actually be coherent in the middle of the night." And who knows, your adventurousness might just inspire us to new heights of under-the-covers creativity in return.
"A free pass to skip some boring get-together." We think your family is great. Really. How could we have anything less than affection for your brothers, sisters, and, of course, your parents, the people who raised the woman we love and adore? But here's the thing: We also love and adore lying on the couch, when the only sounds in the house are a televised baseball game and our snores. It's nothing personal, but a Saturday afternoon of pure vegetation, as opposed to making small talk at your niece's birthday party, would be the greatest gift ever. "My wife once told my in-laws that I had a stomach flu the day of a big family barbecue," says my brother, Rich, 36, from Miller Place, NY. "I felt like I was playing hooky -- it was the best! As a thank you, I didn't complain about being dragged along on her epic mall shopping trips for months after that."
"More girls' nights out." Yep, you heard us right --
because when you go out with your best buddies, you recharge your batteries, blow off some steam, and come home a happy camper. And when you're happy, we're happy. (Plus, we all know what a few cosmos do to you when the lights click off. Growl!) And, okay, on a much less charitable note, it gives us much-needed ammunition for that "Can I spend the weekend with my buddies in Vegas?" request we'll be making in a few months.
"A chance to handle the kids solo."
We swear we won't break them. Sure, we might let them go a few feet higher on the swings than you would, but getting into a little mischief with the kiddies is one of the inalienable rights of fatherhood. Running around like maniacs, eating ice cream before lunch -- these are the kinds of bonding sessions we dream about while stuck in our dreary offices. So take the afternoon off and let us go nuts with the kids.
"To be told how manly we are when we fix something."
Even if we're only changing a lightbulb, fawn over us as if we were a greased-up Ty Pennington who just added a 4,000-square-foot walk-in closet to your bedroom. "Nothing makes a guy feel like more of a man than when his woman hands him a cold beer after he's been working hard," says Nick Stevens, 32, of Boston. "Yes, that is very 1950s, but it's the truth."
"Oral sex." Duh.
"Acceptance of our inner dork." "I secretly crave a woman who will dust -- without complaint or editorial comment -- my extensive collection of action figures," says painter Dave Dorman, 48, who was voted the number one Star Wars artist of all time by Star Wars Galaxy magazine. (Sorry, ladies, he's taken.) Look, we know we should have outgrown comic books and sci-fi flicks at least 15 years ago, but the fact is, we haven't. So you can make fun of us for our nerdy cravings, or you can tag along with us to the latest superhero movie and watch Hugh Jackman or Christian Bale run around in a tank top. Is that really such a chore?
"You paying the neighborhood kid to shovel the driveway before we get our fat asses out of bed."Or, failing that, hooking us up with a cup of hot cocoa when we come back inside grumbling about moving the family to Florida. Think of it this way: Besides making our morning, that $20 you spent just bought you hours and hours of not having to hear us complain about how much our back hurts from shoveling.
"A spa treatment for you." This might sound selfless and giving, but we have an ulterior motive. When you have silky, smooth skin, you can't wait for us to get our hands on you. And neither can we.
"You not saying how fat you think you are when you get dressed in the morning." Who cares if you can't fit into a dress that you used to wear 15 years ago? We think you're still totally hot. "Confidence is sexy," explains Bob. Complaining that you feel fat and gross isn't. After all, we men don't all have the six-pack we want, but that doesn't stop us from acting like we're superstuds. Bottom line: Whether or not you've shed that stubborn 10 pounds you've been dying to ditch, we want you to jump our bones. And if you do, that smile you leave on our faces will give you 10 times more confidence than any infomercial diet plan ever could.
"A little dirty talk."Doesn't matter when, doesn't matter what. Even if it doesn't make sense, a whispered sentence that includes the words "throbbing," panties," and "broom closet" will make our week.
"Someone else taking out the garbage." Dragging that stinking Hefty bag out to the curb before the health department declares your kitchen a biohazard might seem like a small thing, but in case you haven't realized, guys are lazy bastards. Discovering that a dreaded chore has already been done is like finding a brand-new bike under the Christmas tree. We might not notice that you cut four inches off your hair and dyed it blonde, but we will notice this. And we will reciprocate. Expect us to bring you a glass of water in bed before you ask. Expect us to pick those socks up off the floor. Because if The Sopranos has taught us anything, it's that when someone does you a favor, you return it.
"You leaving the armoire doors open so we don't have to walk across the room and open them when we want to watch the TV in bed." (See above, re: Guys are lazy bastards.)
"More nagging." That may sound like a pile of what your neighbor's poodle left on your lawn, but honestly, there is such a thing as good nagging. If it weren't for you staying on top of how we eat, drink, and dress, most dudes would subsist on pizza and beer and live in sweatpants. We may bitch and moan about your pestering, but at the end of the day, we know that you're just looking out for us, and though we'll never admit it, that makes us feel pretty great.
"A movie theater make-out session.""Boredom is the greatest malady affecting marriages today," says Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, host of TLC's Shalom in the Home and father of eight -- count 'em, eight -- kids. "I am a strong believer that husbands and wives have to do things that are inappropriate to break routine. Just make sure you hide from the usher." Not only will you make us feel like we're 14 again (minus the cracking voice and socially crippling acne), you'll show us that even though Brad Pitt is shirtless on the big screen, we own the only pair of lips in the world that you want to be locked with. (And if you're secretly picturing the shirtless Mr. Pitt while we're playing tonsil hockey, no harm done.)
"Fast food for dinner every once and a while."You know how much it sucks to diet and exercise, so when we're on some kind of fitness program, throw us a bone -- preferably one covered in fried chicken -- and help us cheat occasionally. See, if we buy a 12-piece bucket ourselves, then we're weak-willed blubberbutts. But if we eat something our wives picked up as a treat, we're being gracious, appreciative husbands. You went to the trouble to pull up to a drive-through, so it'd just be hurtful not to accept your thoughtful gesture, right?

Setting Good Expectations

He's just not that into you." That one now infamous line -- pulled from the legendary Sex and the City television series -- spawned not only a book, but a dating revolution that, for a while, turned many singles' lives upside down. At the core of the shake up: A philosophy that told us if your partner isn't giving you the attention you expect, don't hang around and wait for change - just move on.
But as sound as this tenet may be, it also underscores what experts see as a major problem in relationships today: We frequently expect a little too much, a little too soon. And that, they say, can spell dating disaster.
"People want to rush into a relationship and they want it all to work out right away. They become very concerned if the other person doesn't call them quickly or doesn't want to see them with increasing frequency," says JoAnn White, a relationship expert and psychology instructor at Temple University in Philadelphia. Often those expectations are simply unrealistic.
Many times, she says, one partner simply doesn't want to move that fast. So, tossing away someone simply because they want to take it slow could turn out to be a big mistake.
Psychiatrist Virginia A. Sadock, MD, notes that getting swept up in romantic desire is not, in and of itself, a bad thing, as long as we don't subject our partner to our fantasies too soon. "If there's this kind of desperation to get things moving too fast, it just pushes the other person away," says Sadock, a professor of psychiatry at NYU School of Medicine.
So how do you keep yourself from expecting too much too soon? How do you know when to hold on and when to let go? Experts say it all boils down to just a few old fashioned bylaws of romance:

Don't rush into sex.
Let the relationship deepen slowly over months.
Think about what you bring to the relationship, not what you get from it.
Understand that heady passion may not last, but love does.
Work through problems to have a stronger relationship in the end.
Keep It Light at First
While the wisdom may seem a bit conventional, experts say one of the best ways to win at love is to hold off physical intimacy until you really get to know someone.
"Sex changes everything," says relationship coach and matchmaker Melissa Darnay.
"I always tell my female clients not to have sex until he says 'I love you' -- because if you become intimate too soon you'll be thinking 'Oh, now we're a couple,' while he's thinking 'Oh boy that was sure fun,'" says Darnay, author of the book Dating 101.
The end result, she says is that one partner is playing by one set of relationship rules, while the other may not even be on the game board.
To avoid all these complications, Darnay advises both male and female clients to keep things light and breezy -- and put no expectations on each other -- for at least a few months.
Deepen Your Commitment Gradually
While expecting too much is sure to kill a relationship, the opposite can also be true. Indeed, experts say that when a natural sense of entitlement doesn't rise up and come to the surface of a love affair, it won't last -- no matter how hot the passion.
As your feelings for one another deepen over time, the relationship should progress to reflect that, says Sadock. Both partners should give more of themselves and expect more in return. As such, she says it's reasonable to expect that you will not only begin to spend more time together, but also give more to each other emotionally.
"Ideally, you should expect that you and your partner will feel closer at 10 months than you did at one month," Sadock tells WebMD.
Psychologist Dennis Lowe, PhD, offers this advice to increase your odds of success: Think a little bit less about what you expect from the relationship and a little bit more about what you can bring to it.
"When you think of the traditional marriage vows when people are pledging to honor and cherish, they talk a lot about what they are going to give to the relationship. Today, when people talk about a relationship they often talk in consumer terms -- like what am I going to get out of this, and what are you going to do for me," says Lowe, founding director of the Center for The Family at Pepperdine University in California.
When partners place at least some responsibility for the success of the relationship on themselves, Lowe tells WebMD they ultimately will get more from each other.
Limerence and the Art of Love
There is perhaps nothing quite as exhilarating as the heady feeling of falling deeply, madly, passionately in love. While some call the magic "limerence" -- that almost mystical connection of body, mind and spirit -- others say it's simply the most powerful sexual chemistry they ever experienced. Regardless of how you define it, experts say once we do experience the "high" it becomes etched in our brain.



I disagree with some parts of this next section.....
The Biology of Love
"When a man and woman fall for each other, it is in our biological best interest to become a little bit obsessed with each other. There are changes that occur in our brain chemistry to make that happen," says psychologist Dennis Sugrue, PhD, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan Medical School and co-author of Sex Matters for Women.
Those changes, he says, not only help drive the mating process, they are also responsible for that "honeymoon high."
"It's also why sex can seem so incredible and occur so much more frequently at the start of a relationship than it ever will later on," says Sugrue.
The bad news is this surge of delicious brain chemistry doesn't last. Fortunately, however, while all this passion is stirring in our brain, a slightly different state of mind is brewing elsewhere in our psyche -- a purely psychological phenomenon that experts call "bonding."
"When the initial brain chemistry involved in the 'honeymoon' phase is over -- which it eventually is -- the bonding kicks in, a feeling of closeness and 'coupling' that actually helps keep the man and the woman together over time," says Sugrue.
In fact, at least one aspect of this tantalizing chemistry lesson was recently proven by a group of Italian researchers. In this study, doctors looked at three groups: The first was patients diagnosed but not yet treated for obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD); the second group was couples who were newly in love; the third group was composed of "normal' people.
Using a series of blood tests, researchers screened all three groups for levels of a chemical that shuttles the mood regulating neurotransmitter serotonin in and out of brain cells. It was already known that serotonin levels drop in folks who have OCD. It's part of what drives their obsessive behavior. So, it was no surprise to find a low level of the transport chemical in this group. And, by comparison the group of normal folks had normal levels.
But what was exciting and new: The discovery that couples who were newly in love had the same low level of this serotonin-related chemical as people with OCD. This, say experts, could mean that what we feel for our partner at the very early stages of love -- and to some extent the headiness of being in love -- may be hard wired into our brain chemistry, and pretty much out of our control.
Working It Out When That Loving Feeling Goes
In fact, Lowe tells WebMD that couples who stay together and work through their difficulties often find that happiness -- and a good deal of the passion -- returns in the long run.
The finding: Of those who worked through their difficulties and stayed together, over 80% reported that they were once again very happy -- and glad they stayed together. Those who got a divorce were no happier on their own.
"In many ways, couples who go through difficult times before they get married and find a way of working it out have a better chance later on in marriage -- better than those who live in a fantasized existence before marriage and expect it will always be that way," says Lowe.
By acknowledging that there will always be challenges and difficulties along the way, Lowe says couples can develop a more realistic expectation of married life, one that will go a long way toward keeping a couple together.

Turn's out Im right where I should be


In the pilot for the ABC television show Desperate Housewives, character Gabrielle Solis (she's the beautiful ex-model with the gorgeous rich husband, big house and bottomless bank account) sets the tone for the series with this simple but poignant statement about her marriage: "I have everything I wanted—but I wanted all the wrong things."More than just a catchy phrase, you don't have to be an unhappy (or desperate) housewife to get what she means. Indeed, when it comes to choosing a life partner, experts say too many of us remain clueless about what we really want and need—one reason so few of us seem to find it!"We go round and round, and we date and we date some more and we think, yes! We have finally found the secret to landing that perfect mate. And still the divorce rate goes higher and higher," says psychologist Gilda Carle, PhD, associate professor at Mercy College and author of Don't Bet on the PrinceHow to Have the Man You Want by Betting on Yourself. Clearly, says Carle, something is going wrong.If you've already figured that part out yourself, take heart. Psychologists say the key to getting off the dating merry-go-round often requires nothing more than taking time to get to know yourself before you try to get to know someone else.Here are five ways to help you do just that:
~Define your core values.
~Understand your emotional needs.
~Identify your love pattern.
~Test drive a potential relationship.
~Once dating, go in for a three-month checkup.


Define Your Core Values

Understanding your core values is at the heart of truly knowing your needs."These are the things about yourself that are not likely to change. They are the tenets you grew up believing and that deep down inside still seem to fit into your life no matter what else changes," says JoAnne White, PhD, a therapist and instructor at Temple University.Indeed, White tells WebMD that no matter how many qualities you put on your list of "must haves," nothing matters quite so much as finding someone who shares your core values. "In the end, they represent who you are and what you need. They are the deal breakers," says White. While core values are different for every person, they often touch on such personal issues as:
~The desire to have children
~Religious beliefs
~How you deal with money
~How you make important decisions
~The importance you place on honesty, integrity, fidelity
~Even how you view divorce itself

And while we all have heard that opposites attract—and experts say they do—when it comes to the really big issues in our life, shared values are still what count the most. "When it comes to our most important and lasting relationships, it's similar core values that becomes the glue that cements a couple together," Carle tells WebMD.


Understand Your Emotional Needs

While core values may form the foundation of who we are, our emotional needs often define the finer points of our relationships. Psychologist Dennis Sugrue says we must acknowledge those emotional needs before we can find someone who can fill them."A need for intimacy, for sexual gratification and satisfaction, a need to be honored and understood and even accepted by our partner, these are all important aspects of who we are. Each of us has our own way in which these needs must be met in order to feel happy and secure," says Sugrue, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan Medical School and co-author of Sex

Matters for Women.

Understanding what fulfillment means to you, he says, is paramount to finding a partner with whom you can feel satisfied and happy.

The one caveat: Trouble comes when we look for a partner to fulfill us in ways that, ultimately, we can only fulfill ourselves."If you are looking to a partner to make you feel worthwhile, to make you feel happy, to rescue you from a bored or unhappy life, if you are seeking someone to make you feel complete or whole—well then you have some work to do, because these are needs that are never going to be met by any one other than yourself," says Sugrue. To put those demands on someone else is to set up yourself—and the relationship—for failure.

Identify Your Love Pattern

So how do we go about finding the kind of person who can meet our emotional needs and share our core values? Experts say we should look for clues in the good relationships we already have with friends and family members."Think about relationships you've had—or currently have—that bring out the best in you," says psychologist Dennis Lowe, PhD, founding director of the Center for the Family at Pepperdine University in Los Angeles and a professor of psychology. "Think about the relationships in which you have felt you could grow and the ones that left you feeling fulfilled. Not just romantic relationships, but any relationships with family and with friends."Also important: Think about the people who make you feel safe and secure, the people with whom you can be yourself. Eventually, he says, a pattern of personality traits will begin to emerge. Not coincidentally, these will be the same traits that will serve you best in a romantic partner."You are looking for not only character traits, but also ways of relating to you, and you to them. Look for what has worked in previous relationships," Lowe tells WebMD.

White agrees: "In the end, it's often the people around whom you feel the most comfortable that possess the kind of traits you need for a lasting partnership."


Test Drive a Potential Relationship

Looking inside yourself can help prepare you for a successful relationship, but eventually you must apply what you've discovered—and begin seeking a partner. Unfortunately, it's at this point where many of us make some heartbreaking mistakes.One of the most common mistakes: Believing that a person whose looks and personality you like also possesses the important qualities you need for a long-term relationship—before you really know the person."There's something called cognitive dissonance(this seems to be the one I have most recently experianced)—meaning your head believes one thing and your heart believes something else. When you are in the throes of those toe-curling tingles, believe me, your heart is going to overrule your head every time," says relationship coach and matchmaker Melissa Darnay, author of Dating 101.When your sense of logic finally does come back—which Darnay says takes about 120 days from your first toe curl—suddenly your heartthrob may not seem so appealing. It's equally frustrating when you're still "feeling the buzz" and your partner isn't.Darnay says many such problems could be avoided, if we viewed new relationships like they were a new car—starting with the "test drive" known as "dating.""At the early stages of any relationship you should be dating—and that's dating, not sleeping with—at least three or four different potential partners," says Darnay. This will give you the emotional distance and time you need to get to know them before you get too serious with any one person.



Go In for a Three-Month Checkup

If the relationship progresses and you like what you see, within two months time you can start dating more seriously, perhaps even exclusively. But within three to four months, Darnay says, it's back to the new car analogy for one more spin around the relationship block."No matter how good a new car is running, you've still got to take it in for that three-month checkup. The same is true for relationships," says Darnay.

That checkup should involve honestly answering some tough questions about your partner, including:
~Is he really as honest as I first thought?
~Does she have the same moral fiber I thought she did?
~Does he really possess the kind of core values that mean something to me?
~Is she who I thought she was? If the answers are no, pay attention. Experts say red flags are ~red for a reason—so you can see them! If your partner isn't making the grade, cut your losses fast and run, says Darnay."Remember," she says, "you can change a person's socks, you can change their haircut, but you can't change their core values—or yours."

O magazine Article for september 2007, my kinda article's

Identify a specific person with whom you really, truly want to have sex.
After our waiter spilled all over himself serving Cathy her enchiladas, I asked her what it felt like to exercise such awesome sexual control. "It's not that great," she said with a sigh. "In fact, it can get lonely. You have to learn to get past casual sex and create lasting relationships, and that isn't easy."I stared at her. She might as well have asked me how you get past calculus to create a mud pie. I associate the word casual with khaki pants, not carnal pants. Why? Because for some reason, I just can't help indulging in forethought before getting to foreplay. This isn't true for most people: Sexual signals usually zip right past the rational brain, because as Rodgers puts it, if two people "immediately considered all the possible risks and vulnerabilities they might face if they mated or had children, they'd run screaming from the room." Now, that I can understand. To actually have sex, I must be not only in love but also in full legal possession of the other party's medical records. The advantage of this approach is that what you miss in casual thrills, you gain in long-term compatibility. That initial spark of interest leads not to the nearest motel room but to the prolonged scrutiny you would give an unrecognizable substance before deciding to include it in a cake.If you consistently wake up next to people you no longer respect, try doing deliberately what I do involuntarily: Hold in your mind a vivid picture of a genital wart. (The Internet provides plenty, and I am here to tell you, they're the opposite of pornographic.) Superimpose this image over the dashing smile of that cute guy at the bar. This should give you pause—a pause you can use to investigate whether the dashing smile is backed up by kindness, humor, honesty, and other qualities you probably want in a mate.If you do this, you're on the verge of discovering something amazing: Simple, sustained attention can be more powerfully seductive than all the eyelash-fluttering, tongue-flicking, back-swaying displays that make men want to fondle the likes of Cathy and prescribe seizure medication for the likes of me.


Lust for the other person's subjective experience.
Here is the secret of sexual success for the confidence impaired: While people will decide to have casual sex with you based on how you look, they'll decide to have meaningful sex with you based on how you see. The reason I've managed to make the connections I desired is that I'm fascinated by people's stories. Beneath the small-talk surface, every life is a fascinating novel, so I always follow the suggestion from Proverbs 4:7, "With all thy getting get understanding." This directive means stand under, in the relatively lowly position of student, and let whomever we're trying to understand occupy the high ground of teacher. And—this is key—the body language we use to do this overlaps significantly with the biology of flirting.Anthropologist David Givens, author of the book Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship, says that a crucial sexual-attraction message is "I am harmless." We communicate this with "submissive displays," such as turning our hands palm up, tilting our heads, exposing our vulnerable necks. A tilted-head half-shrug is typical of sexually attracted people having their first conversation. It's also a posture you'll unconsciously assume when you're trying to understand another person's experience. I suspect this is a major reason so many clients fall in love with their therapists: The counselor who tilts her head while gazing quizzically at a patient, trying to see into his soul, may unwittingly be signaling that she'd also like to see into his pants.Throughout my adolescence, I had terrifying encounters with innocent, well-meaning boys who interpreted my intense curiosity as sexual interest. A handful told me in so many words that, despite my obvious flaws, they had decided to accept me as a mate. In this way I learned that detached, genuine interest in another person's inner experience is, if anything, more seductive than the hair flips I will never master. This realization was almost worth the time I spent hiding behind trees and under staircases to avoid those poor misguided fellows.

Get a Life.
Speaking of watching people, reality television provides an interesting barometer to indicate which behaviors humans find most fascinating. Some programs, like The Bachelor, have no real point except to show gorgeous individuals attracting or rejecting one another. Personally, I find them marginally less interesting than having my teeth cleaned. I favor reality shows in which people do things that require skill, talent, or daring: crab fishing, singing, clothing design, Latin dance. The popularity of these shows suggests I'm not the only person tuning in. Generally, the harder the participants have to work, the more interesting the process.Even when cameras aren't rolling, people love to watch others work hard, learn skills, and take risks. Remember the old Peanuts cartoons in which Lucy mooned endlessly over Schroeder, whose only interest was the piano? That stereotype is based in truth: People who are mastering something that fascinates them become fascinating to others. If you want to capture people's attention, put your own attention on something that has nothing to do with them: oil painting, cooking, wildlife rescue. The more you get lost in what you're doing, the more interesting you'll become.

The one-two-three-punch combination.
If you use the three steps above in quick succession, you'll become an attention magnet. It's like a trick move in martial arts: Target your person of interest, focus entirely on them, then abruptly divert your attention. Pow, pow, pow!These steps allow any flirtatiously challenged person to bypass the whole complicated, alarming world of sexual tension and attraction among normal people. You can do the dance of seduction without even meaning to—simply by letting yourself be openly drawn to people, their stories, and your own deepest fascinations.That's all you'll ever need to get what you desire. Unless what you desire is quick Mexican food. In that case, you might want to call Cathy.